Before We Begin . . .

Let me start by issuing two warnings:

First, this is a new attempt to put this information on-line and it's going to take me awhile to get all the information that is in my head onto the web, so please be patient and keep checking back. If you have a specific question feel free to contact me.

Second, if you are here it's because someone close to you has cancer and I realize you are going through a hard time yourself and may need some help, especially if you have just recently received the news. The purpose of this site, however, is to give you some information on how to help your loved one. It may in the future evolve into a site that helps you deal with their situation, but my primary focus at this point is to give you some tools to help the cancer patient.
That being said, this subject is not for the faint of heart or those with an extremely sensitive spirit. I believe the information here can help you immensely if you can get through it, but I realize that some of you may have to come back a little later when your emotions are not so raw.
Even if you are ready to tackle this subject, be prepared to encounter some statements that may step on your toes. You will read lots of proactive ways to help your loved one, as well as some specific things NOT to do. You may realize that your past reactions to someone with cancer fall on the "not to do" list. That's okay - it has happened to almost everyone and hopefully you can learn from this site some things to change for future encounters.

Now all that sounds very blunt and unemotional, but be assured that this site will also be filled with compassion and tenderness towards both cancer patients and their loved ones.

So what makes me qualified to write about this subject? It's not that I feel terribly qualified, but there is a need for people to know and understand this information, so I am compelled to put it down and hope that it reaches someone who can be helped by it.
The only "qualification" I have is that two people very close to me have had cancer, so I have lived through it. In the first situation I was the primary care-giver during the surgery/recovery stage, but not the chemotherapy portion. In the second my husband and I were more like secondary care-givers - not giving the minute-by-minute care, but being available every day and handling a lot of tasks for which the family did not have time or energy.

The plan is to walk you through each situation and share what I learned. I may not give you every detail of the path we walked, but will include enough of the situations so you will understand the point I am making.

Some of this information applies to situations other than cancer as well. A death in the family is another time of crisis that you can apply some of these principles. And even though it sounds contradictory, a time as joyous as a birth is also a very stressful time during which you could use some of these ideas. I have experienced both of these also and I'll try to make some comparisons as I go along.